Your house is on fire... they told me to tell you your house is on fire.


I spend $50 at the grocery store and I feel good about it. I've done my job. I can eat.

I get home and unpack the bags and put it all away and there ain't shit there. Why did I think I needed to buy three boxes of tea? Green, Stress Relief with Kava because that's sure to work, and a variety pack. Who are you? An oversized jar of cashew butter? When am I going to feel the inescapable craving for a cashew butter and jelly sandwich? Never, that's when. How am I going to get rid of this cantaloupe when it's rotted and liquefied and made a standing pool in the bottom of my crisper?

But what there is, is pistachio ice cream.

Pistachios have been my favorite food for years, but I've never had pistachio ice cream before.

I ate some. My skeleton came out of my eyesockets.


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