Let do.

How strange must this exchange have been the first time it happened:

-Thank you.
-You’re welcome.

We don’t really have a way to thank somebody, right? We just have a way of telling them that they have been thanked. That’s fucked up. “I thank you” basically means, “you are thanked by me.” It’s like, “I knight thee,” or “I now proclaim you husband and wife.” It registers that something has happened, without anything happening.

Sure, you can say, “I appreciate it,” but nobody does, and anyway, it's all about I. We say “thanks a lot,” “thanks a million,” “thanks.” What a strange sound that is. Thanx. It sounds like something visceral. A shiv in the shank and an ax in the thanx and the blood filled the Thames, and the sorrow.

So it makes sense that the first time somebody said, “thank you,” the other person was so caught off guard that, instead of saying, “your gratitude is registered and appreciated,” they said, “my domain is open to you. You are welcome.” Walk all over me.

Or, pre-emptively, you can say you're welcome by saying, “help yourself.” Because I ain't doing it. Laissez-faire, motherfucker.

-Help yourself.
-No problem.

1 comment:

nick bujak said...

I'm going to Baltimore this Monday. So far I'm looking at the Marylander and St. Paul Court. Will there be a cosmic confluence of mystical journeys? Probably not. But I thought I'd let you know anyway.