10/17/07

The Blow Up 2: Electric Boogaloo

What, was I gonna not take a picture of this guy?

Let's see that again.

Have you ever even considered the possibility of talking on the phone in the middle of a public commons in this struck pose? This pose? Notice, if you will, that it's his left arm holding the phone to his right ear to free up his right elbow to support his weight against the turf, enabling him to kick up both knees at such angles to perfectly replicate a dirty, periwigged Frenchman in a chaise longue. This pose, this pose that suggests you are lounging in a Greek bath house, listening to Socrates and Timaeus talk of tyranny and divine mathematica, and you had to excuse yourself because you just got a call from your weed dealer that you really had to take? He talked like this, in this pose, for some time. I merely admired, and then Antonionified that shit for the world to see.

At least now we know that history hasn't changed people. Its greatest artists -- including Michaelangelo, Caravaggio, and me -- have cruised for people in exactly this pose to be subjects of some of their greatest art.

Of course, Caravaggio's John the Baptist wins, because he managed to stumble on some dude frolicking -- I don't know how else to put it but frolicking -- with a ram, which is, in some ways, nature's cellphone.

With that kind of flaccidity, though, you can't accuse John the Baptist of being one of history's first sheepfuckers. Unless this was post-coital. These dudes must have painted hella fast, because if somebody catches me like that, with a ram, I'm going to scramble for some pants on the double.

Deleted scene: I was at Subway, standing next to this dude and this chick. Action!

Dude: I'll have a foot long tuna on honey oat.
Chick: Eww, gross.
Dude: What?
Chick: I have to sit in a room studying with you for 16 hours and you're going to stink.
Dude: Tuna doesn't make your breath smell.
Chick: Tuna smells like vajay!
Dude: *indistinguishable*
Chick: My jay is mad clean.

Aaaaaand I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, 'cause there ain't no doubt I love this laaaaaaand. God Bless the U.S.A!

Then I made the Hindu woman working the counter put bacon on my sandwich.

2 comments:

Sisyphus said...

This pose, this pose that suggests you are lounging in a Greek bath house, listening to Socrates and Timaeus talk of tyranny and divine mathematica, and you had to excuse yourself because you just got a call from your weed dealer that you really had to take?

That's it, I'm putting you on the blogroll!

You have been warned.

D said...

Sisyphus takes time out of her busy rock-rolling schedule to knock my socks off!