I live life like Salinger gave it to Esmé. With love & squalor.

Just now, I saw the first scary bug I've seen in my apartment. I've seen a couple of little larval creepy crawly things, but this one, it was standing on a piece of paper, like an evil ink blot that owned the joint. I had every intention of killing it, you know. But it shot away into the dark depths underneath the futon. They're fast as hell, these things.

Adjusted for scale, a cockroach is the fastest land-animal on the planet. I learned that in Cub Scouts. From my mom. She was the troupe leader, and, as far as I know, might have been lying. But ever since, I've had this kind of fantastical daymare that basically involves a cheetah running after a gazelle, but being overtaken unexpectedly from behind by a giant cockroach and devoured.

I think this might be the only thing in the world too scary to make a horror movie about.

Although, Mansquito has already been done.

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